The affable, jolly, perennially optimistic billionaire had replaced the droopy, saggy, sour billionaire and paid twice the going rate because he had so much money and price was no object and he was in bad need of a hobby in retirement. Another reason everybody in Los Angeles cheered (even Laker fans) was because they no longer had to see the TV cameras focus courtside on the ravaged old Donald and his wizened vulpine wife and his flashy young vulpine mistress, both of whom in a great greed scrum of nastiness tried to squeeze more money out of the desiccated Donald who claimed he was dying of cancer (he’s still alive) and in response were counter-sued by the Donald”s tribe of lawyers who as a way of life have been counter-suing everybody in creation who has sued Donald as the country’s premier slumlord to poverty-stricken minorities.
Worse yet, the Donald had proven to be an overt racist when his very sexy mixed race mistress, whom Donald had bought a condo, a premium automobile, among other flashy accouterments for those seeking the ultimate narcissistic persona fame, made public his taped recording of disdain for her black friends coming to games on his free tickets because they offended or made feel uncomfortable the affluent and wealthy white crowd who could actually afford to come to an NBA game. After this ugly ordeal the mostly millionaire black players and their black head coach and the couple white players on the Donald’s basketball team protested and threatened a boycott and forfeit of a playoff game against a hated rival but eventually played and lost and pouted but came back to win the series but then disappointed everybody by losing the next playoff series and disappointing their new billionaire owner whose courtside seat was under a basket.
Their new billionaire buffoon was unusually animated, often in a state of gyration as he stood or bounced about shaking his fist with encouragement or flopping his arms like a great big unwieldy human birdman, so enamored was he with his new team and their splendid athletes, and instead of disparaging them like the previous bilious billionaire he praised them on a great season and treated them like adorable grandsons.
The following season, with the miserable Donald deposed but still trying to sue everybody in creation and losing and worse yet having to be forced to see his vulpine wife remain in her long time courtside seat as part of the deal after successfully suing him, the Clippers set out as a team picked by many NBA experts as one with a genuine shot at the championship with its future hall of fame guard, Chris Paul, its acrobatic all star forward, Blake Griffin, and its rising star and super human dunker and shot blocker at center, DeAndre Jordan.
All season long the billionaire buffoon continued his floppy flailing antics as he cheered on his team with gratitude and loyalty as they ran up a sterling record and upset the defending champs, the San Antonio Sours, in a grinding 7 game playoff that convinced NBA experts they had a legitimate chance of winning it all and give the starved Clippers fans a reward they justly deserved.
But then, just when everybody expected them to close out the wild shooting Houston Rockets with a 3-1 lead, they collapsed, lost the deciding game in an embarrassing manner in front of their distraught fans, and the billionaire buffoon had to sit glumly in his courtside seat as his now squabbling team trooped off the court, its leader and best player Chris Paul looking like he wanted to kill the world.
For this, coach Doc Rivers was awarded full control as general manager and went out and traded for Lance Stephenson, a gifted player with a diminished basketball IQ and the emotional stability of a 13 year old, and Josh Smith, a 6 foot 9 player with gifted tools who can rebound and pass but likes to take 3 pointers instead and has been a disappointment to every team he’s played on. While this went on, the Doc claimed their bitter rival, the Golden State Warriors, were LUCKY to win the NBA championship, believing his Clippers were the better team.
Then all hell broke loose among his millionaire divas. Their third biggest diva, DeAndre Jordan, had his feelings hurt by all the carping received from his demanding, exacting, control-freak point Guard, Chris Paul, and committed treason by promising to sign a contract with the greatest billionaire buffoon of all, Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks, a sort of loose cannon almost as animated as Steve Ballmer in his courtside seat and prone to making outrageous statements and being fined by the NBA commissioner, though the millions he was fined were mere chump change.
Clearly, there was trouble abound with these millionaire Clipper divas, with Chris Paul and Blake Griffin signed to huge multi-year contracts and being seen ubiquitously in cute commercials on all televised sporting events. Paul, or CP3, plays the game as if he is pissed off at everything and everybody in sight. He could hit 4 straight 3’s and make magical passes and, his face a joyless mask, still chastise team mates, bark at refs, elbow and burrow into opponents and talk trash, a man so ferociously competitive he intimidates team mates and ended up making poor insecure diva Jordan so unhappy and persecuted and unappreciated that he no longer wanted to play with the best point guard in the NBA who supplied 80% of his scoring with unearthly lob passes, Jordan’s only offensive threat in an arsenal lacking any moves or touch around the basket and the most dismal free throw percentage in the league, a percentage so horrible he is repeatedly fouled on purpose to ruin any run the Clippers under Paul’s brilliant passing might go on.
With hurt feelings all around, the Clipper’s main millionaire divas locked the poor 7 foot diva in his plush hotel room paid for by Cuban in Dallas and got down on their hands and knees and begged him to come back in a summit that turned into a big cry-fest, boohoo, and then a love-in as they convinced Jordan to come back, and he did, not even having the balls to call billionaire buffoon Cuban and break the double-crossing news, infuriating Cuban who got his revenge early this season with a resounding victory over the Clippers who now, with new multi-millionaire supposable superstar center restored to their roster, struggle and seem to be underachieving as Paul, the joyless wonder, is back to carping at team mates while Doc promises they will be better, even after they blew a 23 point lead to the lucky Warriors and got blown out.
One wonders these days how the always enthusiastic and 100% positive billionaire owner of the Clippers feels about the mess he paid 2 billion for, with Jordan back to pouting and disappearing at certain crucial times in big, close games, the two new multi-talented rejects playing like yard birds, Paul beating down his team mates, coach Doc making excuses and promising improvement, while the former billionaire buffoon owner, an octogenarian evidently on his last legs, continues to sue whomever, and the vulpine now divorced wife tries to sue the ex vulpine mistress for the trinkets the Donald gave her for the pleasure of her company.